Dear Zakia: Should I end my relationship
When he wants you back but you're not sure if you're in the same space.
Today's question:
Hi Michelle!
Love can be tricky, right? At first glance I'm not sure how you define toxic but at the bare minimum it sounds like this has caused you a great deal of stress but it sounds like there's a TON of love here. I've been with my husband for 14 years now but a LONG time ago I dated this guy name Brian. Brian was successful, charismatic, and easy on the eyes but he was a woman magnet. lol Let's just say I quickly found out that I wasn't the only apple of his eye. Literally, every time another woman walked by he would stare at her endlessly. He would lie, he was extremely manipulative, and would not follow through on anything he said he would do. We argued constantly and life felt hectic BUT at the time he still seemed like a good guy. Let's be honest I wanted to fix him. I kept telling myself that if he would just change this and that about himself then we could be together and happy. Man was I wrong.
"When someone shows you who they are believe them" - Maya Angelou
Now, I'm not saying this is your situation but I am saying that as a Mom I do think the best thing for a child is a happy Mom. People can CERTAINLY change but is this change enough, for you? Has this change been consistent, 3 months or more? I want you to ask yourself the following questions in hopes that it will bring you clarity in your decision. Know that whatever you choose we send love and positive vibes your way.
Shared values: Do you and your partner align on fundamental values, such as family, career, and personal growth?
Communication: Is there open and honest communication between you two, fostering a strong emotional connection?
Supportive Dynamic: Does your partner support your goals and aspirations?
Respect and Trust: Is there a foundation of mutual respect and trust in your relationship?
Long-Term Compatability: Can you envision a future together, navigating life's challenges as team?
Bonus:
If you haven't done this before I want you to take a moment to make a list of your ideal soulmate. Think about what core values you want him to embody, his hobbies, how you want him to love you and your children, and his life goals.
Take a moment to reflect on the AMAZING, BRILLIANT, CONFIDENT woman you are now and the growth that's in store for you in the future and see if he fits your now and your future.
Let us know what you decide.
xoxo,
Zakia